Fun Marks

To say S has fears is an understatement. She has always been a very cautious girl, which is nice at times. She doesn't take unnecessary risks, but other times it is out of control. Here are a few of her fears:

McDonald's play place
Big slides (anything bigger than the toddler slide at the park)
Steep stairs
Stairs without a railing
Spiders
Flies
Ladybugs
Basically any "bug"
Toy bugs/snakes/etc...
Pretty much any animal (dogs, cats, chicks, you name it)

The list could keep going, but you get the idea. She is afraid of things that many other kids are afraid of, but she is also afraid of things that, by the age of 5, I had hope she would be fine with or even enjoy. It breaks my heart to watch her miss out of playing with kids because she won't climb up the tunnel at McDonald's or because the stairs up to the slide at the park are too big/high. We've had lots of talks about being brave and trying things. I've tried to help her. I've tried to back off and let her figure it out. I've tried to force her. I've tried just about everything I could think of. Nothing seemed to help.

The breaking point for me came while we were visiting family. We were staying at my father-in-law's home, in the upstairs bedroom. The staircase is pretty long and there are no railings. There are also a few lady bugs. No big deal, right? Wrong! S was upstairs getting dressed. When it was time to come down stairs she started to freak out! Now, when I say freak out, I mean it. She did not want to go down the stairs! She was screaming and crying like you wouldn't believe. She did not want to walk down the stairs with no railing and ladybugs. I tried reasoning with her. "Put your hand on the wall." "There aren't any bugs." "W can go down the stairs just fine and he's a baby." "I will hold your hand." "Dad will hold your hand." "If you don't come down, you don't get to go to lunch with us." Etc... All to no avail. Michael was about to carry her down, when I said no way! She is five years old and can go down a flight of stairs by herself!

I left to take a shower, thinking if I left her alone, maybe the screaming would stop and she would decide to come down on her own. Nope. Finally, Michael talked her in to scooting down the stairs on her bum, meanwhile, he would flick any lady bugs out of the way. Needless to say, she avoided going up stairs for the rest of the trip. She even slept on the main floor so she wouldn't have to go down the stairs again.

After that, I was going crazy thinking about how she will deal with getting on and off the bus for Kindergarten, playing at recess, etc... I won't be there, and no one else will want to deal with her crazy fears. I didn't know what to do. We talked about trying brave things every day (like going down the front steps that don't have a railing or walking down the hill or going on a slide), but with three other kids I wasn't good at staying on top of that. After having every attempt at making her brave had failed, all I could do was pray that something would eventually work and things would get better. A little over a week ago, I got an answer.

Since moving I have struggled with what to have my kids do to get time outside. We don't have a fenced in back yard, a swing set, or a park within walking distance. We do, however, have a skinny sidewalk that goes from our front yard to the alley in the back. So, Michael and I decided to buy some scooters for the kids. With S's fears, we debated whether to get her a two or three wheeled scooter. In the end we decided on a two wheeled scooter. I figured if she fell, she would hopefully just get back up because she liked the scooter so much.

We got home, pulled out the scooters, and the kids were off. They loved them instantly! Then, of course, S fell. Luckily it was on the grass, and she was wearing jeans, so no harm was done. When she pushed up her pant leg there was a bruise (probably from a previous encounter) and instead of letting her freak out, I told her it was just a "fun mark." I told her it was just a mark she got because she was outside having fun. She thought that sounded fine, and went on her merry way. Fabulous! Crisis averted. At least for now.

The next day, the kids and Michael were playing out side while I was in the house when the wailing started. The moment I had been dreading since we bought the scooters had finally come. S had crashed, and we just wasted all that money on a fun toy. I find Michael looking for bandaids while I hear S in the bathroom screaming. I know where bandaids are. I get them and go to clean her up. Don't touch! Scream. I hurt! Scream.

Did you crash?

No, I put down my scooter and was walking.

Of course you were. My poor accident prone girl. No wonder stairs scare you.

Don't put a bandaid on!

Just one. Look! It's got a cool bearded guy (they are Duck Dynasty bandaids) and it says, "I find when you don't know what you are doing, it is best to do it quickly." See. Funny!

Finally get a bandaid on the worst knee.

These are the coolest fun marks ever! When they stop bleeding you will get some awesome scabs. I loved having scabs on my knee when I was your age.

Screaming continues.

Maybe a bribe will calm her down. Yes, I'm that mom.

If you stop crying, I will paint your toe nails.

No! Crying will not stop.

I finally grab some nail polish, let her know that she is welcome to join me when she calms down, and I leave.

Eventually, she follows. I am not allowed to paint her toes because they are too close to her knees. I can, however, paint her nails.

A few days later I hear her talking to my mom on the phone about the fun marks on her knee. Seriously? She heard me over her sobs? Awesome!

She now talks about fun marks when she goes outside. She also goes down the stairs and the hill in our front yard without crying, screaming, or help! Getting hurt isn't fun, but it isn't as awful if a "fun mark" is the result. At the time I thought I was just super clever, coming up with "fun marks" right on the spot. But now as I look back, I realize it was just an answer to a mom's prayer.