That kid in church, you know the one I'm talking about. That kid. The one who screams, "Don't spank me!" as you take her out of the meeting. The one who runs up the wheel chair ramp on Easter Sunday with his bunny ears flapping the whole way right in the middle of a talk. The one who blurts out something embarrassing like, "My dad swears when he gets mad" at the most inopportune time. You know the one. Years later you are sitting around with your family and say, "Remember the time so and so's kid took his shirt off during the Primary program!" and you all laugh about it. Well, that kid was my kid, I should say kids, today.
One of the joys of moving, and being LDS, is you get to speak in church. Today was the day for Michael and me. Knowing that my 4 kids would not sit still on the stand and not wanting to have to worry about loaning them out to other families, I decided we would just sit on the front row and go up when it was our turn. No big deal, right? We can each handle 4 kids for 10-15 minutes while the other speaks. Besides, Baby B usually sleeps, I will have fruit snacks, cars for the boys, and coloring books for S. I will speak first and have the kids during the end of the meeting, when they have had it. Micheal can handle it. We will be good.
It's my turn. I go up and start my talk. It's hard to ignore the craziness of the family in the first row, but I try. Suddenly, out of my peripheral vision, I see a little blond boy with a green bow tie. Z. Great. I have a helper. No biggy. I will just try to keep him right by me. I put my hand on the back of his head and hold him close to me. He decides to step away from the pulpit and up to the front where he can see better. It takes all my will power not to reach over and grab him. Unfortunately I would have to step away from the pulpit to do it, so I try to ignore him while Michael a look of, "get him please!!!' without communicating my frustration to the entire congregation. But I forgot, Michael in no way can read my mind. Men!
Z gets bored, I assume, and goes back. Good! We are good. I'm half way through my talk. We can do this!
Baby B is fussy. So is W. They must be out of fruit snack and don't want cars. Talk fast! When I'm done, I can deal. Suddenly my peripheral is again drawn to the stand. This time I see not one, but two strikingly familiar little people. S and Z. Seriously? S is WAY to old to be coming up here. I look right at them. They are both looking at the congregation with huge grins on their faces. This is fun! For them.
Motherhood takes over. I pause and say, "Just a minute." Yep. That's what I said. I then herded my children off the stand. We are good now, right?
A moment later I can no longer ignore the front row. I just have to see how Michael is doing. No one is there. My bag is there. The car seat is there. My family is not there. A moment later Michael walks in all alone. Great! What has he done to my children?
I stay calm and finish my talk. There is a hymn before it is Michael's turn to speak. I ask him what happened to the kids. People just took them, was the response. Okay. Who? ? ? ? Baby B is over there, with a nice lady I have never met. The big kids are in the nursery playing with toys while being supervised by a very nice young woman. While W is walking the halls with another young woman.
I gather them up, all except Baby B who fell asleep. I can handle this. I then realize I forgot the coloring books, but there are still three bags for fruit snack! I am saved! Until W downs them in nothing flat. Z drives his cars, sound effects and all, on the chairs. S pulls out Michael's notebook and spills the contents, but starts to draw and is great. W wants more to eat. Go figure. I don't have anything. So he whines. But, somehow, we make it through. I'm sure Michael gave a great talk, but I really don't know. Mainly I'm just glad we made it through church without yelling at any kids while in the meeting. And, years from now, we can be the story that brings a smile to some family's face.
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