Change in Plans

Often, when you are trying to follow the plan that Heavenly Father wants you to follow, things turn out way different than you expect them to. I know that this has been the case for me many times.

Not quite a year after I got married, I was at a general church meeting. To me, it seemed like every speaker was talking about have children and being a mother. After a lot of thought and prayer, Michael and I decided that is was time to have a family. This is not at all what I had planned. I was still in school, and if I had a baby 9 months from then, I would still have my student teaching to do. Student teaching with a new baby would be really hard. But, if this was the plan that I was supposed to follow, I would.

A couple months later I was pregnant. I was so excited! A baby! I had no idea what having a baby entailed, but it would be an adventure that I was willing to take on. Just a couple of weeks later, I thought I was having a miscarriage. False alarm! I went to my first doctor's appointment, had an ultrasound, and saw the baby and a strong heart beat. All of my fears about a miscarriage were set aside.

I was twelve weeks along when we went to Illinois to spend Christmas with Michael's family. We decided I was far enough along to make an announcement.

A couple of weeks later, school had started again. I was the assistant stage manager for a production on campus and, as such, had the duty to help cast the show. During call backs the thing I had feared most happened, I started bleeding. I tried to ignore it and get through the auditions. When I got home late that night, I was in tears. I knew I was having a miscarriage.

After a very long night, a trip to the hospital, a cranky and not very nice doctor, a partial D and C and a lot of tears, I went home. It was a Friday night, so at least I had the weekend at home. I didn't have to tell anyone for a couple of days at least. That was going to be the worst part of the entire ordeal.

At church on Sunday, I sat by a very pregnant woman. I hadn't really thought about it when I sat down. She was new. I wanted to make a new friend. Then the list of who was pregnant and when they were due came around. The leaders liked to keep track of who was having a baby and when so they could help out with meals for a couple days. The week before I had put my name on that list. When I got the list I started crying and crossed my name off. It was devastating for me. Then, out of no where, this amazing sister that didn't even know me put her arm around me. It was a very small act of kindness, but she will never know how much that helped me get through that moment and that day. It makes me cry, even now, to think about her kindness.

On Saturday or Sunday night, my sister-in-law stopped by with some dinner for us. When she was there she started to tell me about her miscarriage. At first, I didn't want to hear it. So many people had tried to tell me about their own miscarriages in order to comfort me. I didn't want to be comforted, I just wanted to be sad for a little while. But then she said something to me that put the entire situation into perspective. She said, if she wouldn't have had her miscarriage, she wouldn't have had her daughter. At that moment, I knew why this awful experience happened. I was being prepared for a different child to come into my home.

Three months later, I was pregnant with my beautiful daughter Samantha. She came just in time for me to be done with my student teaching.

Life doesn't always work out according to your plan, but it does work out according to our Father in Heaven's plan. That is such a comfort to know!